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Date: 2018-01-06 03:21

A fortune-teller advised me, “Do everything your boss says.” Sage advice, I thought, as I was working on an important project. As if I needed more proof of just how good the psychic was, that night, as I read the newspaper, I noticed my horoscope: “Do everything your boss says.”

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Recently, I woke up to find that two of my car’s tires had been stolen. When the police officer arrived, he asked, “When were you last driving the car?”

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After finishing his meal, my grandfather, a retired Marine captain, asked the waitress for the 65 percent discount the restaurant offered veterans.

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Suddenly a deep voice booms down from above. My son, I have not abandoned you, but at least meet me halfway buy a ticket!

• I will not fly into a rage and 
kill a messenger who brings me 
bad news just to illustrate how evil 
I am. Good messengers are hard 
to come by.

Giving a sermon one Sunday, I heard two teenage girls in the back giggling and disturbing people. I interrupted my sermon and announced sternly, There are two of you here who have not heard a word I 8767 ve said. That quieted them down.

I don 8767 t think I 8767 ll be there, the boy said. You don 8767 t even know your way to the post office.

When I first saw this username I thought it said something about murder! NOT a good impression.

The word ur was used instead of the correct spelling your.

• “Hi. Just thought you might like to know that I think your pet elephants have been bowling while you’re out. —Your Downstairs Neighbor.”

We accompanied our son and his fiancé e when they met with her priest to sign some pre-wedding ceremony papers. While filling out the form, our son read aloud a few questions. When he got to the last one, which read Are you entering this marriage at your own will? he looked over at his fiancé e.

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